Let's Get Lit—The Value of Authenticity

There is a concept that’s been a part of our mainstream discussion for a long time now.

It’s the idea of living authentically. 

It’s touted in self-help books, podcasts, conference breakout sessions, and every guru out there aims to help you do this better. 

But what does authenticity actually mean? And how do we actually do it?

I’m more than a casual observer of people; I genuinely low-key study them as part of the work I do with companies and their teams. 

I do not have a psychology degree so don’t get it twisted—CYA statement: nothing contained in the writing of this post should be construed as medical advice—but I have been a human for a while now (you'll have to guess how long), have personally pursued a lot of therapy, and from birth, I’ve been the kind of person who thinks deeply about most things.

Here’s what I have come to know about humans. 

We are all simply practicing a set of behaviors that, at one time, were necessary for our survival. 

Forgive the dramatic nature of the statement; survival seems strong. In dire situations, our conditioned responses to dangerous environments might have been necessary for physical survival. 

But in other (and I think, more frequent) cases, “survival” was more related to our social environment;  it was fitting in with peers, keeping your parents or other loved ones happy, or doing anything to avoid the crushing blow of disappointing others. 

I’ll own my dramatic flair by stating I believe this is just as “deadly”.

I want everyone I know to live a full, embodied, and whole life, which could be considered my definition of authenticity. 

Without an intentional look inside yourself, it’s impossible to achieve.

So right now, if the way you move through the world is fully serving you and the goals you have for your life, you can stop reading. Of course, there might be some helpful thoughts you can share with all those other people who don’t have it all together. wink, wink

Let’s talk about what happens when we get to deeply know and understand ourselves. I’m talking about developing a level of self-awareness and accompanying self-compassion that leads us to make choices that fully support our true selves.

I like to think of this kind of inner alignment as being lit from within.

When we become more aligned internally (we know who we are, what we like, what we don’t, what’s true for us as individuals, etc.), it’s as if we’re filled with light. 

And to be clear, a well-lit human doesn’t think they’re amazing at all things, infallible in some way, or otherwise, perfect; that’s insane and I’d never advocate for that kind of self-aggrandizement. 

In fact, it’s practically the polar opposite.

It’s actually about not being afraid to look at everything: the endearing, the lovely, the embarrassing, the shameful, the cringey, your ideas, your beliefs, your identity, your thoughts, your triggers, your frustrations…ALL OF IT. 

It’s about not avoiding the hard parts and not trying to outrun the pain of the things you experience. 

In practice, you can think of it as self-examination; take out each part (again, not just the parts you love, but the parts you’re vexed by) and imagine putting them on a table in front of you. 

Then, really look at each of them. 

Here are a few questions (NOT an all-exhaustive list!) you can ask about each thing you discover:

• What belongs to me? 

• What was handed to me by someone else? 

• When did I start to believe this was true for me? 

• Is it still true for me now?

• Is there a different way to look at this aspect of myself?

• How did this help me? Do I still need it now? 

• And because how could I not quote Dr. Phil in a post about emotional/mental well-being, it’s also helpful to ask, “How’s this working for me?”

As you do this work, you may find yourself judging some of the pieces you discover.

My therapist recently shared with me that just about every aspect of humanity exists on a spectrum. “Human things” are rarely all good or bad, black or white, or this or that. 

So the goal is to become at peace with everything you are.

I was once told this kind of work makes us selfish—that by spending time learning about ourselves, we become self-obsessed or consumed with only what we want. (talk about conditioning)

Here’s what I’ve come to know: it’s not only not selfish to better understand myself, it’s my obligation to.

We make a huge positive impact on the people around us when we choose this path of growth and self-understanding.

As we shine more brightly from within, we become a beacon for others.

I believe life is about connection. Rich, meaningful connections can only exist when rooted in deep, shared truth with other people.

A more fully well-lit you is what creates that connection.

A more fully well-lit you is what the world needs. 

Nothing makes me sadder than seeing people I love continuing to do what everyone else wants them to do because they’re afraid of upsetting someone. 

They’re afraid of what they’ll find if they dig.

If they're honest and tell themselves the truth. 

If they set and honor their boundaries. 

If they slow down, reflect, and observe. 

If they let the truth of their inner world speak.

If they listened to the whispers of that inner world and acted accordingly.

The coolest part of all of this? Every single one of us can become more lit from within. 

These are skills to develop, not something you’re born with.

Your inner world is rich and expansive; there is tremendous value in getting it out of yourself, whether by talking with a trusted person, therapist, or simply journaling. 

All I want is for people to live a well-lit life. 

It’s scary work. It’s tremendously hard to look inside. It’s unnerving, freaky, and troubling, and because we do life with other people, it can be terrifying to question whether the people we’ve done life with to this point will even like us in our new, brighter state.

And that’s the crux of the pain here: we’ve been conditioned to shut down our inner thoughts, ideas, and needs to keep others happy, so the very idea of choosing differently seems impossible.

My therapist also said to me, “My job as a psychologist is to help you navigate your world in a way that ensures you don’t abandon yourself just to make other people happy.”

I mean, whew. If you grew up with a lot of social or cultural conditioning, deciding to forge a path for yourself, particularly if that path challenges those social norms, is extremely challenging.

And it might be the most important choice you ever make. 

Rather than seeing self-examination and reflection as a selfish task, I encourage you to see it as the best way to steward what you’ve been given. 

Every single one of us has this beautiful, crazy, complex mix of stuff inside us. 

How lovely to know that you are the only you on the planet. How lovely to know that only you can steward what’s yours.

You can’t steward your gifts if you don’t understand them. 

We need you. We need your light. 

Imagine how the world would look if more people were well-lit.

Imagine the creativity, the compassion, the growth, and the connection. 

Imagine our families, our workplaces, our communities, our planet.

Imagine the love. 

Not everyone is cut out for this, I get it. Not everyone wants to walk down this path of growth. Not everyone is interested in thinking, feeling, or discussing things this deeply. 

No judgment here, but because I believe in this so much, I do hope you’ll try.

Living life authentically and in better alignment with how you were created is what life is made of.

There are a whole bunch of us out here waiting for you. 

Waiting for you to own the fullness of your light. 

Waiting for you to trust that the fullness of your light isn’t too much. 

Waiting for you to become the person you were created to be. 

I’m not a yogi, but I value the practice, so I’ll leave you with the Sanskrit greeting, “Namaste,” which translates to ‘the light in me honors the light in you’.

And oh, does it ever. 

Let’s get lit.

— Rebecca